Oh man. I’m about to get super personal with ya’ll so if you don’t liker personal then today’s blog post is not for you, but I have plenty more not so personal posts for you to see [here] if you would like. Ok, for those of you who stayed I wanted to update you on our fertility journey. You see, I usually come on here and talk about our fertility only when we miscarry or on special occasions. But ever since we opened the store up about 6 weeks ago I have met SO MANY blog readers from out of state & locally & I realized the one thing they want to talk about is our miscarriages & our fertility. Yes, we talk about home decor & all things DIY, but it’s mainly our fertility. That got me thinking. I realized I keep a lot of things private & it’s not for any particular reason other than I don’t want to bore you with the details of that part of my life. But our fertility journey isn’t just our miscarriages. It’s the feelings, the doctor visits, the tests, & right now it’s the “break”. That’s what we are on right now & have been since last August. After losing our 6th baby God put a lot in front of us. He does every time we lose a child. After every miscarriage God puts amazing things in our path & awesome opportunities. Every time I feel like it proves that God has us where He wants us & He is showing us that it’s His plan, not ours.

That is one reason for this 7 month break we have been on. Another reason is we realized we just wanted a break. We wanted time together. I know, I know we have been married 8 years going on 9, but we can’t get enough of it. We love our time together & sometimes it’s scary that someday it will no longer be us two. We decided to really enjoy this time with a purpose & not focus on anything to do with our fertility or getting pregnant during this time. It honestly has been so care-free. After losing 6 babies in 4 years, it has felt so good to not have that pressure or anxiety. That is another thing I need to talk about on here that I don’t see anyone sharing much about. The anxiety after loss, the anxiety when you get pregnant again. To me, it’s crippling & something that I want to share at a later date. For those with anxiety during pregnancy, you are not alone. But really these 7 months since saying goodbye to our 6th little angel have been a breath of air that we needed. & now with the new store it’s been kind of a newborn for us for a lack of better words. It takes up all our time, we have to watch it closely, & we don’t sleep. But we are happy & so excited for this new adventure we are on.

Reason 3? This is the main one. The one that gets kind of tricky. You see we have got EVERY test under the sun done for our fertility & why we have had 6 miscarriages. We have tried baby aspirin, progesterone, folic acid, & on & on & on. Technically we are both “text book” perfect & should be able to carry a child besides my PCOS which you can read about [here]. But of course 6 miscarriages with no successful pregnancy is alarming. So after trying everything with no success we have reached a weird pivotal point where the only thing left to try are some pretty rare & controversial things. One theory for all our losses is that my immune system is attacking our babies & my body is viewing them as a foreign object. That is a really sad thought to me, my body rejecting our children makes me feel like I have let down our 6 babies & that I’m not a good mother. Why would my body do that? BUT there is a way to help this. I don’t know all the technical terms, & I am planning to do a whole separate blog post on all the tests & things we have had done so maybe that will help others [stay tuned for that coming soon]. Anyways, basically in very dumbed down terms from what I understand is there is a treatment that they can give me that will shut my immune system off & tell my body to not attack our pregnancy. This is complete with transfusions throughout the pregnancy & very timed things while being closely monitored. Sounds scary. The weird part is that I will not actually be tested for this condition before getting the treatment which is something that is normal for this actually. There are only two places in the US that do this testing I believe & both of those places are a plane ride away. So, this will be a trial thing to see if it works for us. But, we are reaching the end of the line as far as testing & methods to carry a baby. But are we? Medically the doctors say that, but ultimately I know it’s up to Him, my Father, when we carry a baby to term & have our little miracle here on earth. Not my will, not the doctors will, but His.

So that is where are at right now. On a break. We get so many comments, messages, emails, & people in person who say they are praying & I cry every time. They are all happy tears because I want you to know that I am not sad that we are on this journey. This is something handed to us by God & it has made me stronger, our marriage stronger, & presented so many amazing life changes that would not have happened without this journey. I am thankful for it all. They are happy tears because to know that someone cares & empathizes with our struggles & is something that I can never say thank-you enough for. This month of opening the shop I have had blog readers from Ohio, Chicago, Tennessee, North Carolina, Wisconsin, Missouri, Texas & beyond come to the shop & tell me there loss stories, tell me that they are praying for us, & each time it shocks me how people love us & our babies enough to fit us in their prayers. Of course seeing the daily emails & messages is already amazing, but to meet people in person who have followed our journey has been eye opening & has really inspired me to be more open than we already have been about this fertility journey we are on. We are so grateful & it truly makes me thankful that I started sharing this journey here on the blog after our first miscarriage 4 years ago because it has brought some amazing people into our lives, made me realize we are not alone, & it has been a form of therapy sharing our journey. Thank you guys for being so supportive of us. We love you! I will be back with many more updates on this journey & not just our losses. Thank you to for stopping by the blog today & for sharing it with your friends & family, it means a lot! xx

Read more about our fertility journey:

Our first baby. [here]

Our second & third babies.  [here]

Our fourth baby.  [here]

Our fifth baby. [here]

Having PCOS [here]

our 6th baby. [here]